WELCOME TO THE 2022 GOLDEN PIGTAIL SMUT AWARDS
I’m your Sommelier of Smut for the evening, Alexa Sommers, and I’ll eventually [buy my books] be bringing you the results you’ve all been waiting for [buy my books].
I assume all the nominees are dressed accordingly in their grey sweatpants and “borrowed” oversized hoodies, anxiously awaiting the results. Free food and beverages can be found in your fridge. Please tip your waiters [buy my books].
This year’s Golden Pigtails received over 210 nominations by some of the best erotic authors in the field and put our curating team’s ability to copy and paste to the test. (I blame any and all errors on the wine)
Votes were cast by over 1252 unique voters for a total of over 15,000 votes across 15 Categories. Still, we had a couple categories close enough their partners are getting jealous (or excited) and one that outright refused to do its damn job and give us a winner.
We also received thousands of mysterious “late cast” votes but you can rest assured that our integrity never waivered. Only those accompanied by sufficient monetary compensation were counted.
I want to send a HEARTFELT THANK YOU to everyone who voted and to all the nominees for helping to make this event what it is. Without you, your stories, your votes and your enjoyment of the works these authors produce, we are nothing. Please take the time to revisit the full Nomination List – https://geni.us/2022GoldenPigtails and pick up any of the amazing stories you have not yet read!
And now, onto what everyone is actually waiting for… to buy my books… err… I mean the awards!
The “Everything’s Better in a Group” Award for Best Erotic Anthology
This category came down to one vote… allow me to say that again… ONE VOTE. As is my personal rule with these awards… I did not vote, but I was definitely tempted on this one. I’m not bitter… you’re bitter. Just give her the damn trophy already. Bitch.
And the Winners are:
3rd Place with 16.52% of the Vote
2nd Place with 23.42% of the Vote
1st Place with 23.43% of the Vote
The “All Tied up At the Moment” Award for BDSM Erotica
These authors worked hard to “whip” up votes and had us all begging for more.
And the Winners are:
3rd Place with 20.62% of the Vote
2nd Place with 21.7% of the Vote
1st Place with 24.03% of the Vote
The “Wanna Watch?” Award for Cuckold/Hotwife Erotica
Do you see a pattern forming? Don’t worry, I’m sure it can’t last. Just watch… we all know how much you like to watch.
And the Winners are:
3rd Place with 17.93% of the Vote
2nd Place with 22.24% of the Vote
1st Place with 26.18% of the Vote
The “Never Enough” Award for Harem/Reverse Harem Erotica
This was another very tight race. Sometimes two… three… even four, just isn’t enough. Thankfully these votes are not divided by the number of partners.
And the Winners are:
3rd Place with 22.24% of the Vote
2nd Place with 23.33% of the Vote
1st Place with 23.85% of the Vote
The “Drop the Mic it’s Time to Flyte” Award for Erotic Poetry
Remind me not to challenge these authors to a rap battle. My bars are quick and I may spit sick but this ain’t prose it’s flows from the pros.
And the Winners are:
3rd Place with 30.19% of the Vote
2nd Place with 34.71% of the Vote
1st Place with 35.10% of the Vote
The “Hitachi Magic Wand” Award for Fantasy/Sci-Fi Erotica
This was a constantly shifting race with at least 4 different leaders depending on the day. I’d say someone dipped into the sexy spells to get these results.
And the Winners are:
Tied for 2nd Place with 20.16% of the Vote
and
1st Place with 23.75% of the Vote
The “All Love” Award for LGBTQ+ Erotica
They may not be able to outrank “Daddies Hotwife Taboo Gangbang Vol 32” on the Amazon charts (fix your shit Amazon) but these stories are #1 in the fan’s hearts.
And the Winners are:
3rd Place with 19.54% of the Vote
2nd Place with 21.34% of the Vote
1st Place with 25.65% of the Vote
The “Tickler” Award for Parody/Comedy Erotica
Funny how… how am I funny. These authors thread that needle of sexy yet humorous, not an easy feat.
And the Winners are:
3rd Place with 17.13% of the Vote
2nd Place with 24.13% of the Vote
1st Place with 28.80% of the Vote
The “Not Quite Depraved Enough” Award for Dark/Taboo Erotica
Some of these actually do get close to being depraved enough. Thankfully a lot of you are just as depraved and want to read them.
And the Winners are:
3rd Place with 15.23% of the Vote
2nd Place with 23.31% of the Vote
1st Place with 30.70% of the Vote
The “Things That Go Hump in the Night” Award for Paranormal/Horror Erotica
With 20 hours left in voting, the winner of this category was in fifth place. Bribing your readership with the promise of free books clearly pays off.
And the Winners are:
3rd Place with 17.93% of the Vote
2nd Place with 20.44% of the Vote
1st Place with 21.70% of the Vote
The “Love at First Flog” Award for Romantic Erotica
If I didn’t know better I’d say there were some bunnies sacrificed to get these results. Someone should have told these authors about the “bribe the curator” option.
And the Winners are:
3rd Place with 18.93% of the Vote
Tied for 1st Place with 24.67% of the Vote
and
The “Any Excuse for Some Smut” Award for Holiday Themed Erotica
After reading these books I need a holiday, wow. Remind me to invest in towels before Easter rolls around.
And the Winners are:
3rd Place with 21.88% of the Vote
2nd Place with 24.57% of the Vote
1st Place with 26.18% of the Vote
The “Look Mom, No Hands” Award for Erotic Audiobook
When you free up both hands, beautiful things happen. Thanks to these amazing narrators we are able to do just that.
And the Winners are:
3rd Place with 19.54% of the Vote
2nd Place with 20.26% of the Vote
1st Place with 25.11% of the Vote
The “Shouldn’t You Be Monetizing This?” Award for Free Smut
Anyone nominated in this category should be ashamed of themselves. I am giving you the meanest of bunny frightening glares right now. Stop giving away this amazing work for free!
And the Winners are:
3rd Place with 15.86% of the Vote
Duct Tape and Daddy Issues – Dee Dickens
2nd Place with 19.36% of the Vote
Converting the Clergyman – Jay Willowbay
1st Place with 28.96% of the Vote
Consensual Non Consent – @WrittenInKink
The “Levelled Up” Golden Pigtail Rookie Smut Star of 2022
And that brings us to the final Category. The stand out rookie erotic author of 2022. Oh to be a new author and not yet know the soul crushing amount of work ahead of you.
And the Winners are:
3rd Place with 20.35% of the Vote
Anya Knightly
2nd Place with 24.37% of the Vote
Victoria S. Kyrie
1st Place with 26.93% of the Vote and 2022 Rookie Smut Star is:
Zoey Adams